i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
