woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize