Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize