Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
