Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i think i just lost a toe
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
