Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
