Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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