how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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