tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
