Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You've changed since you got that strap on
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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