how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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