The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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