I just threw up on my dentist
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize