she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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