I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
