I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
