The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
