What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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