it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
