sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
