btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
