i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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