Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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