the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
is that a dick in a sweater?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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