Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
