We won't sleep together?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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