i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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