So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
