As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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