You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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