we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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