thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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