just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
