Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
