Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
