Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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