I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
