I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
