just come out here and I will go home with you...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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