did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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