I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
