I heard we made out
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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