If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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