1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
