K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize