yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
