how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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