Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
