I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
