oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
