Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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