I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
