I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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