You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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