so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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