Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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