I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
