Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
