so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry about my life...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
