I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
