I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
