Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
