Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
