brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
