He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
