also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
