Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Princesses don't give blow jobs
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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