I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
