how can u be prego again
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
sex in a hospital.. check
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
