I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
