she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
